Viagra

There are more ads on television these days than ever before. You can thank the federal government for recent changes that allow this to be so. Not only are there more ads, but we get to see ads for prescription medicines including those for ED. Bob Dole has been in various commercials telling us that ED is "erectile dysfunction" and the implication is that Bob suffers from this and is helped considerably by the wonder drug Viagra; which explains the upsurge of pen marks on Elizabeth Dole's back.

Viagra is the icon for the men (and women) dealing with ED, in spite of the presence of two other similar drugs, Levitra and Cialis. If it were up to me, I'd try Levitra first because I like their commercials best. When the pretty middle-aged woman in the man's shirt and (perhaps) nothing else underneath tells the audience that her man and she appreciate the (pause - look embarrassed) "quality" of the Levitra experience, I imagine that commercial by itself curing ED in many viewers all across the country. "If you think our commercial is arousing, wait till you try our product!" I have to remind myself that the actress is being paid to act and is probably, in fact, a lesbian.

But it's Viagra that everyone talks about. It's Viagra that all my middle-aged male friends seem to know WAY too much about. It's Viagra that people have numerous doses of because "friends" gave them a couple. The manufacturer says the drug won't do a thing for those who don't actually have ED. But the "quality" of the experience is believed by the culture to be far different: it is an aphrodisiac; it produces an unusually firm erection; the orgasm for the man is more intense; the erection lasts longer post coitus; the man's refractory period is shorter.

I've said for a couple of years, I'd like to give Viagra a try. No. No ED here. Not yet anyway. But I do experience a lower libido than I did when I was younger. My doctor did blood work and determined that I have a normal level of testosterone. Whatever normal is for a person my age. I actually think my libido is impaired by the antidepressant medication I take. Here's the rub - when I take enough meds to keep me from tearing off someone's head and eating their brain I have little interest in playing Where's Waldo? with anyone or anything. But if I cut back to the point that the World Health Organization would have me declared "Dangerously Undermedicated" then Mr. Libido and I become best friends again.

So I tried it.

Nothing. Nothing what-so-ever. No Hallelujah Chorus. No Vestal Virgins smoking Cuban maduros. No IM from Britney Spears.

It reminded me of the big snowfall we had when I was a kid. I made the biggest snowball you ever saw and hid it in the freezer. Months later, on a hot July afternoon, I took that hard frozen jewel out of the refrigerator, ran outside with it, and heaved it at my best friend. I missed him by a mile.

Taking Viagra for me was something like that - lots of anticipation but, in the end, a huge disappointment.

So I rub my eyes a lot. I drink too much cheap red wine. I watch way too much TV.

I collect cars.