Pavlov

I suppose every reasonably educated American is familiar with Russian physiologist Ivan Pavlov, and has some rudimentary understanding of his work conditioning reflexive behavior in laboratory dogs. His research was astounding in its breath, and remains an inspiration in its accuracy.

Fortunately for American scientists, most of Pavlov's research and his theoretical papers have been translated into English. Yet, only since its April issue of this year has the journal American Psychologist made available translations of the studies that obsessed Pavlov in the last year or two of his life. Finally, we find that Pavlov had evolved his interests, from the common laboratory canine, to the more difficult and intriguing study of the common knee-jerk reflex in college and university administrators touting the “bidness model” of higher education.

For the first time we have learned that Pavlov was able to demonstrate that the knee-jerk reflex is essentially universal in the targeted population, and once elicited by concerns for personal, and largely political, private agendas, is nearly impossible to extinguish. It is also notable that although the knee-jerk reflex is ultimately a poor and self-limiting response that is harmful to the responder and, more often than not, other innocent bystanders, it is rarely something of which the afflicted administrator is aware. Pavlov called this inability to take accept personal responsibility, while simultaneously facetiously claiming responsibility, by a Russian term that loosely translates into English as the “Hopelessly unaware what it is college teachers really do, but have lots of ideas about how to make them do whatever it is they do better, but in reality just creates busywork and make people upset with you,” syndrome.

Talk therapy failed at eliminating the reflex, but Pavlov predicted that a medicine might eventually be developed that either suppressed the reflex, or, failing that, kindly and efficiently put the sufferer out of his misery.

Won't you please help? Be generous in your contributions to your United Way, and someday we may be able to say that the much feared knee-jerk reflex was once a thing of a dark and frightening past. Remember, a mind is a terrible thing to waste, and even more importantly, a wasted mind is a terrible, terrible thing.