Enroll the Dead

I think my college is missing out on a great service opportunity that we can provide to potential students in our community who are being seriously underserved by other local institutions. We should consider Ouija courses to service the dead. Oh, I know, most of our faculty are not actually psychic, but I feel certain that the administration, once it realizes the value of this untapped resource, would be happy to “train” us in psychic course development and administration, and it would probably require no more than an afternoon or two.

In providing Ouija classes we could dramatically improve our graduation rates, and probably double the semesters’ “state tapes.” The dead, of course, will have to opportunity to achieve the dream of a college degree, a dream that could not be realized while they were alive. All this without ever leaving the comfort of the hereafter.

I say it’s a win-win situation.