Witches and Such

The best part about living and working in my town is the eccentric people that I meet. They frequently have the most amazing stories to tell: Over the past few years I’ve met a couple of multiple personalities, a topless fire juggler, a guy who has sex with his horse, a Satanist, a couple of transgenders, lots of Native Americans with very interesting cultural perspectives quite different from our own (and personal experiences with the “little people”), an alien abductee, a phone-sex operator, quadriplegics, blind people with their dogs, a woman on a portable ventilator, an elderly incontinent woman with Alzheimer’s (who everyone finds “cute” because of her mindless mutterings, until she comes into your office, wastes an hour of time free associating about something that happened to her forty years earlier, and wets your visitor’s chair), deaf people with their sign language interpreters, PTSD Vietnam vets (with stories about their experiences that gave ME PTSD), a couple of reformed prostitutes (and some who aren’t), strippers earning over $100,000 a year, a witch, numerous ex-cons, a dwarf or two, various addicts in rehab, various religious extremists, and recently a very scarred woman who has an “intermittent explosive disorder” which has led to violent confrontations with police. This last one asked me why men didn’t find her attractive - it was a temptation to tell her the bitter truth “Because you’re incredibly ugly, have a terrible personality, and you’re crazier than a loon.” It’s never dull in my town.

Speaking of witches (and I was, sorta) here’s a favorite skit from Monty Python about how to determine if someone’s a witch. It’s just in time for Halloween and reminds me of the rhetoric I see in the political ads:

Sir Bedevere : There are ways of telling whether she is a witch.
Peasant 1 : Are there? Oh well, tell us.
Sir Bedevere : Tell me. What do you do with witches?
Peasant 1 : Burn them.
Sir Bedevere : And what do you burn, apart from witches?
Peasant 1 : More witches.
Peasant 2 : Wood.
Sir Bedevere : Good. Now, why do witches burn?
Peasant 3 : ...because they’re made of... wood?
Sir Bedevere : Good. So how do you tell whether she is made of wood?
Peasant 1 : Build a bridge out of her.
Sir Bedevere : But can you not also build bridges out of stone?
Peasant 1 : Oh yeah.
Sir Bedevere : Does wood sink in water?
Peasant 1 : No, no, it floats!... It floats! Throw her into the pond!
Sir Bedevere : No, no. What else floats in water?
Peasant 1 : Bread.
Peasant 2 : Apples.
Peasant 3 : Very small rocks.
Peasant 1 : Cider.
Peasant 2 : Gravy.
Peasant 3 : Cherries.
Peasant 1 : Mud.
Peasant 2 : Churches.
Peasant 3 : Lead! Lead!
King Arthur : A Duck.
Sir Bedevere : ...Exactly. So, logically...
Peasant 1 : If she weighed the same as a duck... she’s made of wood.
Sir Bedevere : And therefore...
Peasant 2 : ...A witch!